life is like a book....and for me it's the end of the third chapter, final act.and like every chapters till now, the same endings are repeating itself.the wheels of destiny are fucking toying with me. they're like 2 sides of em, like a shimmering coin of endless bulk up in the never-ever-cog-of-shite.whats the same thou asked me?
one, i've fulfilled my role like a targeting robot in the baseball lot, always flying straight to the mitt. being a filial son, role model, family man, guess when you're carrying the name "Mohamad Zain" behind you, you are to be expected of great importance and also to be of shoulder of the world. it is the the nature of my father to rise to greatness if the greatness is expected of him, and his blood runs DEEP in my the man of his seeds.my brothers are wellbeing, and so am i.
two, i've scrapped by the challenge.in my "sekolah-melayu-jalan-kuala-kangsar" days (coughsekolahelitcumclusterschoolcough), there's a wise saying i've always heard, " budak koleq kalo ko campak dalam hutan pon boley survive ar".first time i've heard it, i think that it was purebred bullshite.now i felt to be true to the bone.yes it is-was-present-past-future to be proven by none other than the feets of men that ever had stepped on her ever centurian Hargreaves, Bigschool, Pavillion, Padang C....academically or life, we are the ever survivors of God's drama and plot.
three, and the most heartbroken one of the simile.leaving the amigos behind.the boys and girls i shared everything, bed, food,stories, laugh and joy, tears and kegs, had to be parted.the sceneries are repeated over and over again till i wanna had a go with my memories.even if i have a go or two, it will always stuck there for the rest of my life, never bent nor smoked.in my kiddie years, these things never bore me that much as such as my current.oh god how can i live my life right here and then if they are to be gone when i need one.
yadayadayada, the bottom line is, i had to move on. this is my book.there are still many blank pages i had to write, many miracles to be discovered, many good-bad situation to carve.and so are them.maybe at the time, they are facing huge wall to climb and slippery slope to drive.and sometimes i wondered if the fullstop are to be dotted.but nay, the dot never did pass by.small experience of mine taught me, we are still a looonngg way to halt by these things.we are young, impossible to stop at the prime of our chapters.the peak are still rising, even if some of them doesn't arise to the glory of the gloriest, but to taste the bolt of the defeated are maybe but none to us.when one down, ten will pick him up.when two stumbles, hundred will pull them forward.we are united.we are powerful.
forgive the ramblings of mine to be blurted out.the past is done.the deeds are signed.the bygones are what they are, BYGONES. when the mara students leave, my heart are cut by half.when the a-level results are out (with much patience feeling of i-will-fucking-burn-them-but-damned-me-for-shallow-guts), my shrink heart are now just a sixth of what they are.first time in my ever gay life do i find the rejoice of my luck and hardworking nights off are nothing to be compared to the honey.that day was raining, 25 jan 2010, 4.30 p.m.my joyhill doesn't last even for five goddamn seconds upon hearing the dark news.crumbling even faster blow by blow of the CRUEL REALITY.i've now seen the big fake smiles,hears the hollow laugh but at the core only howling child fill the void, hidden by the joker mask of which they wore.FUCK.those olden days will never be the same again.
what can i do??? what can one man with just one heart do??? why can't i be man enough when the times are most needed??? i thought i was ready, i thought that the ship are entering the calm belt, to ever hull to the safest harbor, and embark on another journey again. but why?? WHY?? can someone teach me the nooks and cranny, hooks and crooks, hole and whole?? Ya Muallim, have you thought your students the best choice??
and now, there are still a few pagers left to complete my final arc of the third chapter.change the stars, said william thatcher.so much to do, so much to say, so little sand of the hourglass.so long as God permitted, then we WILL change the fate, if not will it to be a fine beauty, or a runner up or at least a peasant fair, then better than be it to rot at the sideways of slavery gladiator of road forgotten.and you will have my words.
time will decide the future, but the presents are of our dancing to the stages.
GODSPEED!
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